My Dear, Beautiful Mama Bear | Post 18

"... the doors of welcome are wide open;

right now He is ready to welcome you.

Today He is ready to save you."

2 corinthians 6:2

"I'm standing on the seashore.  A ship at my side spread her white sails to the morning breeze and starts for the blue ocean.  She's an object of beauty and strength and I stand and watch her until the sea and the sky come down to mingle with each other.  And then I hear someone at my side saying, 'There, she's gone.' Gone where? Gone my my sight, that is all.  See, just at the moment when someone at my side says, 'There, she's gone' there are other eyes watching her coming… and there are other voices taking up a glad shout, 'Look! Here she comes!'" henry van dyke

This morning we were holding her hand, singing, like we have been for most of the past couple of days.  The chorus began:

"And I will rise when He calls my name 

No more sorrow, no more pain 

I will rise on eagles' wings 

Before my God fall on my knees 

And riiiiise, I will rise"

Somewhere between those few lines He called her name.  She rose up and took her first breaths of heaven's air, in a beautiful new body.  I'm not sure how formal heaven's entry gates are, but I'm vividly imagining a welcome like the one in Luke 15.  A jumping, leaping, running Father meeting His child on the road.  Tears of joy!  Bear hugs!  Triumph!  Together, at home, forever and ever and even more.  We miss her.  We'll always miss her here.  But thank goodness even the missing will come to an end.  

The memorial will be this Saturday in Gaithersburg.  More details to come once arrangements are finalized.  Thank you, beloved people.  You have carried us through.  We are desperate for more of those life-giving prayers.  

"The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you all. Amen!"

Mama Bear | Update 17

"You saw me before I was born 

and scheduled each day of my life 

before I began to breathe."

psalm 139:16

Sadly, these words I'm figuring out how to write down this very second have 'arrived' -- too too soon in my opinion.  Last night Mama Bear seemed to change in her demeanor, comfort and breathing ability.  This afternoon another "level" was taken.  She is peacefully sleeping right now, and we've had excellent hospice care so we know how to make sure she stays as cozy and comfy as she is this very moment.  God is not a God of hospice guesses, but if hospice were to make a guess they've said "not days or weeks, but hours or days."

At this point we're asking that no visitors come by.  If you're dropping off a meal, please come in through the garage, leave the meal, and promptly head out.  If you feel strongly about wanting to visit, you can text me or my dad and we'll let you know if it's a good time.  If we don't answer, it's not a good time ;) Feel free to e-mail or text anything you'd like us to read to her.  We're singing, talking, and reading to her much of the day and night.  We'd love to read her love from friends.  

Our home is a sacred, weighty, alive place right now.  It's holy ground, filled with the tears of grown men and little children.  We're in the parking lot of heaven, preparing to drop off our dear mother.  We're able to see some of it's light from here.  We wish we could see it all.  We wish she wasn't going without us.  We wish that maybe this is a dream and we'll wake up to her making coffee in the kitchen. However, the rays from Home are warm sun to our hearts.  We're not ready to lose her, but we're ready for her to dance on the clouds, run to her mother who she has deeply missed for over a decade now, and join her voice in the triumphant choir to the Father King.  Thank you for every single word or thought of care for us.  Every single "Dear Jesus." Every single offer to help.  Every single communication.  Every drop of love.  We're swimming in a deep, beautiful sea.  And our mama is sailing to the shore.

“... in this universe we are treated as strangers, 

the longing to be acknowledged, 

to be met with some response,

 to bridge some chasm that yawns between us and reality...

and surely, from this point of view, the promise of glory, 

becomes highly relevant to our deep desire.

For glory means good report with God, 

acceptance by God, response, acknowledgment, 

and welcome into the heart of things. 

The door on which we have been knocking all our lives will open at last.” 

cs lewis | the weight of glory

(Updates can be found at Mama Bear on facebook.)

Latest on Mama Bear | Update 16

"... what if your healing comes through tears?"

laura story

I write today with heavy news.  The weight of glory appears to be upon my beautiful mother's back.  We received the results of her PET scan last week, and sadly the state of her body is not well.  To put it as my mom did: "...the good news is! I don't have to do chemo any more!". No more chemo.  No more treatments.  No more doctor's offices.  No more scans.  Home hospice arrangements are being made.  Heaven is closer than ever.  We are preparing to say goodbye in the way-too-near future.  (Of course, as my mom also said, "I'm still not opposed to miraculous healing!").

Please pray for us.  A few things that immediately come to mind:

- Pray that mom will be comfortable and pain-free as she finishes her days

- Pray for memories, time together, laughter, sacred hours as a family

- Pray for the hearts and minds of her little ones, especially.  (Lauren is still in elementary school, and Shannon and Dude are in middle school.) They are being so brave.  

- Pray for dad.  Lots of decisions. Lots of long nights. Lots of load ahead.

- Pray that somehow, though he is only seven months old, Rowdy will have supernatural and vivid memory of his grandma.

- This may seem silly, and I know each deep, labored breath is already numbered, but as we begin to face and imagine life without mom physically in it, we are broken knowing she won't be present for dozens and hundreds, if not thousands of 'big deals' for us.  The varsity boy's championship game is a big deal for our family. Dad, Tim, Caleb and I coach and Kevin is the senior starting point guard.  Assuming they make it through the play-offs, would you mind praying that mom will be there for the Championship?  Pray that Kevin could run to her at the end of the game, one last time?  The game is on Saturday, March 1 -- 45 days away.

- Pray for strong, real, nearly-touchable peace.

“The God who looked on you with joy when you were small and racing across His gift of green grass on His gift of feet beneath His gift of sky watched by His gift of a mother with His gift of love in His gift of her eyes, is the same God who will look on you as that race finally ends, delighted in every way.

Life is a story. Why do we die? Because we live. Why do we live? Because our Maker opened His mouth and began to tell a story.”

N.D. Wilson (Death by Living)

I wasn't there for the beginning of her story.  It turns out I wasn't even a part of *most* of her story.  But I will be there when our Maker says "It is finished, Suzanne." And while it may feel like the last chapters of her book are being written, we know better.  We know Chapter 2 is titled "Earth," and Chapter 3 is "Welcome Home." (Chapter 1 is "The Artist's Imagination" -- the part where He casts the roles, predestines the characters, ordains their plot line.) We know this story has no 'The End.'. We're crying and moaning over here in Chapter Two.  But someday, in Chapter 433,782, we'll only talk about the Times of Tears, for they will be no more. Forever, and ever, and ever, and on.

Thank you for the continued love, the constant support, the precious prayers.  It's a bit of heaven-on-earth to be the recipient of rallying care. Thank you. (And in mama bear's honor, go snuggle any one you love even if you have lots to get done today.)

Ps. Those interested in specific ways to help can contact Tracy: 301.418.2518 | tbranchaw@gmail.com

Mama Bear | Update 15

"The Lord did not have a tough week last week."

Matt Chandler

Since my last post in May we've had some news in our household!  Mama Bear is officially a Grandma Bear!  After a long labor, our little guy was born on June 14 and he has been the joy of summer.  Every single member of the family is smitten with him and he can makes us laugh no matter how sad, teary, tired or blank we are.  He's the best little bundle of boy and we are delighted by him.

 

I do wish that Rowdy's birth was the only "medical/hospital" news to report.  Unfortunately we have an update about mom and it's not particularly pleasant.  She has been doing chemo for about nine months -- actually she has done four or five different chemos over the last nine months.  None have them have been working and her cancer seems to be growing (the biggest area of concern is the growth in her liver.)  Her lungs have also continued to fill with fluid and she's continuing to have them drained so she can take mostly-full, deep breaths and not be winded and coughing constantly.  The latest chemo was probably the hardest on her physically (and her hair fell out again :( no fun) and we were really optimistic that it would be having the most effect.  

Since it too wasn't working (big bummer) her doctor ordered to end that treatment and start a new kind, which was supposed to start this week.  However, she was feeling light-headed and not quite right so she asked her doctor about it.  They ordered a brain scan and she received the results yesterday: there are three spots of cancer in her brain.  They are halting all chemo to do immediate brain radiation. She'll do ten treatments over two weeks' time and hopefully the brain spots will be GONE and they can continue working different chemos to find something that will really zap that cancer and teach it a lesson.

 "Every fear has no place at the sound of Your great name. The enemy, he has to leave, at the sound of Your great name."  Please pray for her and for us.  Full disclosure?  I hate this.  I've told a few people that for the first time I can remember I don't "look forward" to the future.  I'm happily married to my very best friend, with the sweetest son and I see my family every day.  Finances are stable, I enjoy work, I physically feel great and I just like life so much right now.  I don't want anything to change.  I don't want mom to get more sick.  I don't want it to get harder.  I don't want think about it.  It's hard to call God "My Healer" when I know that healing is a promise, but it may not happen until heaven. "Quit pretending like you're not scared. Be honest. Walk in the light."  (Matt Chandler)  I think I speak accurately for us all: we are scared.  It'd be fair to say that this hit us hard.  In some ways it feels like watching a tornado funnel head your way.  It's been stormy, but what is coming?  How bad is it going to be?  Maybe it will all just stop and the sun will shine and we'll marvel at the miracle?  We know and believe good things, but we are also feeling sad things.  One of the best lessons Rowdy has taught me is the lesson of crying and yelling when you're upset.  It doesn't cross his mind "What will mom think if I respond the wrong way to my practical need or fleshly desire?  What if I don't approach her with patience?  What if I ask too angrily? Or ask too much of her?"  He calls, and I come.  There are no rules to calling for mama -- if he feels like he needs me, he cries for me.  It's so simple.  And I'm so happy to be the one to answer his struggle.  To feed and hold and refresh and clean and talk to him.

 So I'd say we're calling and maybe even crying and yelling (sometimes literally and sometimes mentally and inwardly) and we're asking for miracles and mercies and strength.  Though He slay us, we praise Him - and news like yesterday's stings with its lash but news like yesterday's has purpose and didn't catch God off guard.

 "All the weak; find their strength; at the sound of Your great name 

Hungry souls; receive grace; at the sound of Your great name 

Sick are healed; and the dead are raised; at the sound of Your great name."

ps.  People have asked if there is any way they can help -- meals, helping with laundry + carpools/rides are the most practical needs.  Don't feel like you have to do anything!  But as people have asked, we wanted to let you know :) Tracy Branchaw has been the go-to for meals + you can get in touch with me if you'd like any other information (kristen leigh photography at gmail)

Mama Bear | Update 14

"Let us lift up endless praises,

Let us sing Him endless song."

It's been about 15 months since we discovered and announced that Mama Bear's breast cancer had returned.  The past year-and-then-some I've slacked a bit on updating this blog.

But here the scoop:

We found out at the end of the summer that her cancer appeared to be gone (at least her cancer number had gone from 54 to somewhere between 0 and 5.  Truly a miracle! And better than the doctors were expecting!)

Her chemo was done and they set to work on the condition of her lungs.  The surgery and recovery for that, in early fall, was rough but it appears to have been profitable.  Her x-ray this past was still very positive (the left lower lobe is still in bad shape, there is scarring, etc... but all in all everyone is pleased.)

Sadly, we found out a few months ago that her cancer that we had hoped was gone or at least dormant was growing/living again.  It had popped back up in her liver and bones.  Certainly disappointing news... especially so quickly :-/

Her wonderful wonderful doctor put her on a plan to have chemo just about every week for 12 treatments.  The chemo "recipe" was going to be a little different than her past ones.  It wouldn't cause her hair to fall out, and shouldn't make her feel sick.   Currently she's about 75% through that plan.  On Monday she had a PET scan to check the status and to see if the chemo was helping.

She got called in this morning, and she and my dad went to meet with the doctor and to hear the results (which we all assumed wasn't going to be 'happy news'...).  Dr. Raj let them know that the chemo wasn't working like they had hoped and the cancer seems to be growing still.

SO. She has a new plan, and will be visiting another more "specialized" doctor, and trying a new medicine (including oral chemo.)  They'll be stopping the 12-week-chemo-plan altogether since it's not working.

Thank you for praying for her and us, and thank you for asking about how she's doing!  We're currently keeping busy with lots of house projects and making room for Baby Boris Morris (just his nickname, don't worry ;).  Grandma Bear is as tough as ever, and never makes a "big deal" about any of this.  But she is tired and "feels weak."  Pray for strength and energy and lots and lots of joy.

And the Lord will guide you continually

and satisfy your desire in scorched places

and make your bones strong;

and you shall be like a watered garden,

like a spring of water,

whose waters do not fail.

Mama Bear Update 13

Hello hello!  Time is moving and life is pressing on and mama is done with her 6th (and hopefullyhopefullyhopefully final!) chemo treatment!

- She has a PET scan on Monday and we'll have results on Thursday.  This scan is huge.  It's the big "What did the last five or so months of treatment do? Is there any cancer left?  What's the deal?" scan.  We're praying for nothin-notta-squat!

- They're coming back to Maryland next weekend!  Dad, Mama, Katie, Kevs, Dude, Shannon and Lou-Lee will be moving back into the house they left.  The truck and boys are arriving on June 30.

* If you are interested in helping un-load the truck, feel free to come!  My dad is trying to organize the troops, so you can email him at: a snyder at caci dot com.*

- My mom, myself and the rest of the girls will arrive within two days (we're bringing all the cars with us.  It's going to be an adventure.)

*If you are interested in helping my mom unpack the boxes starting July 2, you can e-mail Tracy at: t branchaw at gmail dot com*


- Mama is very worn out.  Moving is not usually one of these rejuvenating, restful activities.  Pray for her rest, energy and strength!

- THEY ARE COMING HOME! :D :D :D :D

Mama Bear Update 12

Hello everyone!

It's been a little while - which is often good news in the medical world!  Here is the latest with sweet mama mom.

- A few weeks ago she attended "Relay for Life" with her sister Pam and a handful of kiddos (Kevin, Dude, Shannon, Lauren and family-friend Grace.)  She was the "survivor" and they were the "care-givers."   She said it was a lovely evening complete with nice dinner and a couple of laps around the Steinbrenner Field.

- Last Wednesday mom has her fifth chemotherapy (one more to go!)  Her wonderful and lively friend Sandy flew all the way from Arizona to go to chemo with here this week.  On good days they pack and work on wedding crafts! (Seriously, she's the best.)  I think the three women of the house (mom, Sandy and Pam) are going on a Segway Tour of Saint Petersburg Beach today.  That will be an absolute riot ;)  I wish I could be there!

- Five more days of school for the little kidlets! And Katie graduates highschool on Friday.  We are all so proud of her!  And I'm very excited to be able to go down and watch my first sister at her graduation and to see mom again.  But three cheers for mom and the kids getting through this school year in the middle of so much craziness!  They're just incredible.

- Mom's (hopefully!) last chemo is in about three weeks.  She is also moving back to Maryland that week.  Yes, that's right folks, the Snyder's are coming back north!  Hold onto your hats!  ;)  They will be here the last weekend in June, and will be moving back into the house they left.  Please pray that this move goes as joyfully and peacefully as possible.  Moving is always particularly tiring and hard.  But moving ten people? 18 hours away? In the middle of summer?  While on chemo?  We're all going to do our very best to get everything taken care of for mom (thank the Lord for Aunt Pam!  She's been a packing/helping hero! And for dad!  He's ever impressive and hard-working.)

- After the big move the next event is the wedding!  Just about two months away.  It's unreal how fast time flies.  Please pray for health for mom during all "this."  Pray that when she gets her pet scan in July they find NO cancer!  Pray she re-gains strength and energy!  Pray that she will sleep well and restfully when she sleeps!  We love mama so much!

Mama and her prayer warriors in Florida!  (These lady are from her bible study and have been the sweetest gift to mom.)

Mama Bear | Update 11

"The Lord grant that you may find rest."

Ruth 1:9

Update

- Mama had her fourth round of chemotherapy.  Two more to go! (And she is still dazzling!)

- Her incredible friend, Tracy Branchaw, came to spend a few days with her.  Tracy brought gifts and notes from many of you: THANK YOU!  Mama loved every single thing.  And she also loved eating and talking and enjoying the company of her friend.

- The whole Snyder clan is moving back to Maryland on July 1!  Just six weeks away.  My heart is glad.  So so glad. I haven't been to Florida in over two weeks.  And I miss mama and the crew so badly.

Prayer Requests

- Continue to pray that the treatment is working.  It might seem like a "no-duh" thing to pray.  But from the little we know, it truly seems like God is using this to heal her.  We've had nothing but positive reports so far.  We believe God mysteriously works through prayer, and we KNOW you've been praying.  Please keep praying.  

- Pray for their hearts of the people in our family: Alan, Sue, Kristen, Caleb (almost!), Tim, Katie, Kevin, Dude, Shannon and Lauren.  There has been some neat things God is doing in drawing us closer and knitting us together.  Pray for that to continue! Even "little" but extremely meaningful things like sweet Katie shaving all the boys heads' for mom has become treasure to us.

- Mama has had low blood counts since the beginning of this ordeal, but they continue to drop.  She will begin taking a medicine for anemia.  Pray that it works and boosts her counts!  Low counts mean low energy.

- Pray for her energy!  She has so much coming up in the next weeks.  Two more chemo treatments, a big move, and a wedding.  She's a fighter, but she will need some extra doses of might to make it through all this!

"Better is a handful of quietness than two hands full of toil and a striving after wind." "Return, O my soul, to your rest." "For the righteous man enters into peace; they rest on their beds." ""Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet and listened to his teaching. But Martha was distracted with much serving."

 “In...rest you shall be saved; in quietness and in trust shall be your strength.”

I've recently been learning so much.  God has brought me a people and times, and He is teaching me.  I'm praying daily for my mother's health and strength.  For energy.  For rest.  She's teaching me about resting in God.  

While we were in the hospital together in February, I read to her this blog post. It encouraged our hearts and began to change me forever.  

"Rest at essence is God-entranced, God-magnifying, and God-satisfied.  Rest is a bold declaration of the over-sufficiency of the goodness and grace of God.  It is treating God's promises as rock-solid and unquestionable.  Rest is a conscious relishing of God's gushing generosity and a relinquishment of our own self-sufficiency.  

In short, rest is the only human response to God's engagement that honors and satisfies Him.  All else is both deplorable and unacceptable.

Rest is the garden, the Sabbath, the feasts, the land, the worship of God's people in the Old Testament.  Rest is the promise of the Gospel and the only path to life.  'Come unto me all you who labor and are heavy-laden,' says the Savior, 'And I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn of me, for my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

Paul in the apostle sums up the Gospel simply, 'Rest your hope fully upon the grace that is brought to you in revelation of Jesus Christ.' 

There were two lost sons in the story of the Prodigals, one who offered to work his way back into his Father's favor, and one who reminded the Father of the favor he deserved for the work he had already done.  Both offered work as a payment for the gift of the Father's fellowship, forgiveness and feast.  And to both He said, 'No.'

'Come in!' was the only offer of the Father. 'Cease from your work and celebrate my lavish extravagance and prodigal generosity and you will have Me and everything that is mine.'

Everything good starts with rest, grows through rest, and is sweetly tasted in the feast of rest.  And then comes Heaven." Don Shorey

During busy, physically weary, emotionally heavy days may we find our hands full of quietness.  May we sit, and not be distracted by things like serving - which hardly makes sense.  May we celebrate and feast and receive God.  May God continue to use Mama's trust and therefore Mama's strength to do mighty things.  May we treat God's promises as rock-solid.  May we (especially Mama) actually rest when she lays down in bed - may her sleep be sweet and refreshing, may her mind be calmed and still.

Thank you, thank you, thank you for being people who rally around ones you love.  You are making our burden so light.   

Mama Bear Update | 10

 “The kings came, and they fought...

From heaven the stars fought...

March on, my soul, with might!" 

judges 5

On Easter I flew down to Florida for 10 days.  I had just hit moms' "good week," so we had lots of fun running errands, eating out, shopping for wedding crafts, making wedding crafts, finalizing the invitation ideas, styling mom's fancy new wig, and staying in our PJ's with Aunt Pam (who moved to Florida to help mom and the family! Incredible.).  It was so encouraging to me to see her so "herself."  It's been quite a while since she's looked and felt "that" way to me.  Mom amazes me.  While I was there she took an afternoon to take a young girl (she hardly knows) who is walking through a divorce out for lunch and to get job applications.   I think it made that girls' month.  God has proven Himself strong yet again!  I love that we have a King who comes and fights with us - even the stars from Heaven fight! - which builds up my (and my mama's) soul to "March on!"  He has given might and strength, as well as fun and play. We are grateful

PRAYER REQUESTS

- Mom is half-way through her chemo treatments.  On Wednesday she had her third one! (She still has to go back next Wednesday to administer the chemo for her bones. So she's almost half-way done!) Pray that the chemo is working!

- Despite being on the Super Hero Trio of anti-nasuea medicine, she still feels nauseous (which makes her not want to eat... and she needs the food for weight and nutrition!).  Pray that the nasty nausea goes away.

- The medical staff is trying to figure out why she's still feeling that way.  A possibility could be something to do with her brain and an imbalance of hormones.  A nurse started zeroing in on the issue, asking my mom about her memory and her balance.  That discussion led to a decision to scan her brain on Monday to see if there is cancer there, as well.  (I don't understand why they didn't check that at the beginning of this buuuut God over all forever reigns.)  We should get results from that on Wednesday.  Please pray that there is no cancer in her brain.

- Mom being sick always affects our family (duh.)  God has been clearly joining us together through little things - like flower girl dress shopping, games of foursquare and a Red Lobster birthday dinner for Kevs.  In many ways our family is getting along better than we have in years.  But there are still young hearts, unsaved children and very big issues on the table.  Please pray for much laughter, fun, care, unity and joy amongst us nine Snyders.

--

Last little thought to adhere the tape on this post: Mom and I had some wonderful conversations about God's goodness while I was there.  Does God plan the "bad things" and say they are good? Or does He use the "bad things" and make them good?  Is a "bad thing" like sin different than a "bad thing" like a tornado or tsunami?  Can sin and consequences of sin BE good things? Or are they REDEEMED to become good things?

The conversation, in my head, was prompted when we found out that mom's lungs were hurting (so much so that she had to sleep sitting up in a chair.)  She went to the doctor and they told her she had bronchitis.  I would typically put bronchitis on the "bad things" list.  Incredibly, however, the sickness seems to have actually helped her lungs.  Every time she coughed (with great pain) her lungs were forced up higher.  She was essentially forced to cough by bronchitis, all the while she was filling that lung up further and further.  

God works in obscure ways!  But I'll tell you what: God is good.

I've spent more time laughing, talking and just being with my mom now that she's sick than I would have otherwise.  That is so good.  Mom has time to, and is therefore reading, more books (and is especially in love with Kevin Hartnett's The Heavens book.) That is so good.  Like I mentioned earlier, my mom's sister Pam moved to Florida to help out.  After years of not living near family, we've been so blessed to have Pam (and grandma!) in our lives and home.  It's so good!  Katie has taken the kids multiple times to Disney - just for fun and a distraction.  So good.  We've eaten a chocolate cake brought by a church friend that we wouldn't have otherwise eaten. SO GOOD.  We've hugged more, sat by the pool and ocean more, met the kindest nurses, been fascinated with the human body, and watched Caine's Arcade over and over which sparked conversation about our childhood memories.

"This world is already more wonderful than we can imagine. Heaven will be better still. I do not doubt that whatever gates there may be, they will be pearly. But I know how pearls are made. Do you? 

In Heaven, the gates will be made of oyster spit. 

 Everything has its place in this frame. Everything has its position on the stage. The world is full of comfortable things. The world is full of soft beauty and gentle lapping waves. We would be fools to ignore the gentleness and get caught up in the grit, only able to tell dark stories. But a world of only gentle touches is no truer than a world gone black. Put the colors in their places. Paint the shadows and the darkness. Paint a true picture, with tension.

The movie isn’t over. The world will end happily. Sorrow goes down in a barrage of bullets, and Grief is executed after a fair trial. Do not fear the shadowy places. You will never be the first one there. Another went ahead and down until He came out the other side.

Heaven will be wonderful (understatement). It will be more wonderful than we can imagine, even if our imaginations weren’t so stunted by marshmallow visions. 

You will have a body more physical than this one. Heaven will be hard and bright, and the winds will be strong.

So do not imagine yourself elsewhere. Do not close your eyes and picture a world without thorns, without shadows, without hawks. Instead, use your body like a tool meant to be used up, discarded, and replaced. Better every life you touch.  Live now. Relish the tensions, the challenges, and laugh.

 We will reach the final chapter, 

and have eyes that can stare into the sun, 

eyes that only squint for the Shekinah, 

then we will see laughing children pulling cobras by their tails, 

and hawks and rabbits playing tag."

nd wilson

March on, my soul, with might!

Mama Bear Upate | 9

Happy Early Evening on this Wednesday!

A brief update:

- Mama is home safe and sound after her big trip to Maryland

- She received her second chemotherapy treatment on Thursday (6 days ago)

- With the help of her three medicines she has barely thrown up at all! Praise God!

- She also says she is in much less pain than the first treatment.

Prayer requests right now are: 

- That she stops losing weight :(

- And that she stops feeling nauseous.  Though she isn't throwing up, she still feels very sick to her stomach and doesn't want to eat much at all.  

Today (Wednesday April 4th) she had a port put in so she doesn't have to take her chemo through an IV, which will be a much less painful process.

Thank you for loving her hard! I'll be back in Florida on Easter Sunday.  I can't wait.

Mama Bear Upate | 8

"The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places, indeed."

psalm 16:6

I found this picture last night of mama in 2004 with her littlest girls (Man were they cute. And little!) (Oh! And the baby she is holding is our youngest cousin, "Alec-son!")

It brought back so many memories.  It was a hard year.  Mom had a miscarriage in the fall, but that miscarriage led to us discovering she had cancer.  We've reflected often how kind of God it was to let mom have that miscarriage: if she had never even been pregnant with that baby, she wouldn't have been in the doctor's office discovering a weird lump in her breast! If the baby hadn't miscarried, however, she would be facing months of no treatment, which would likely have let her cancer spread to the point where it was out of control (her cancer seems to spread fast and furious!)


"Your eyes saw his unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for" BabyBaby Snyder.


That little Snyder child saved mama's life.  It's days were numbered, before there was yet one of them.  The little life was not wasted or unimportant and we loved that baby.  We still do.

It's a sweet reminder to us as we face this again.  It's kind of God, for many reasons, to have us walk through this at this time.  Mom's life is valuable to God and her days are numbered.  Cancer will not shorten her life, cancer will not rob her of life, cancer will not win, cancer is not more powerful than God.

"In His book are written, every one of them, the days that were formed for Mama Bear, when as yet there was none of them."

Our Father has promised her eternal life, Jesus came to secure life, the King will and has won, and nothing, nothing, absolutely nothing is more good and simultaneously powerful than our God.

As mom's hair begins to fall out again, we treasure verses like these: "Even the hairs of your head are numbered." "You who have been borne by me from before your birth, carried from the womb; even to your old age I am He, and to gray hairs I will carry you. I have made, and I will bear and I will carry."

The lines (and hairs!) have fallen for us in pleasant places. Therefore my heart is glad and my whole being rejoices!

Prayer Requests
- Mom's bones in her legs hurt her the most these days.  May God relieve her of pain! May He strengthen her bones!
- We are on the hunt for a pretty wig and awesome hats.  Pray we find some good options, so mama feels like a lovely woman and not a mannequin ;)

Praise Report
- Mom is in Maryland with me for a week and she went to see her Maryland doctor.  The doctor (who we all love and worked with mom last time she had cancer) was very optimistic.  Her conversation with mom encouraged us all and we are thrilled to be able to have Dr. Raj involved again.  What a blessing!
- Mom is as beautiful as ever.  Seriously.  If you have a chance to see her in person you'll find it hard not to stare.  She's so lovely.

Mama Bear Upate | 7

"Pressure creates diamonds and fire refines the gold."

trip lee

For those interested in how they can pray and care for mom so well, here is a little of what has been going on:

- After her chemo treatment on Wednesday March 7th sweet Mom was very, very nauseous.  She threw up for the next ten days (she describes it as pregnancy morning sickness mixed with the ache-y "sick" feeling of having the flu.)  Yesterday her doctor was not happy at all that she felt so sick so for mom's second round of chemo they are pulling all the stops.  She'll be on three anti-nasuea medicines.  We would love your prayers that this big-gun game plan works well for mom!

- Mom's bones in her back, rib cage and legs are hurting quite badly.  (Bad enough for mom to mention it... which is pretty bad for her!)  The doctor said that sort of pain is often a side effect of chemo because the medicine is working hard on those spots.  We would much prefer that be the reason for the pain than for it to be more cancer!  But we don't want mom to hurt.  Though, I think she would look incredibly classy with a cane ;)

- She is a rash that is probably a result of her being in the sun too long after chemo ;)  But you can't keep a California girl living in Florida out of the sun for long, can you?! A prescription ointment should do the trick.

After her doctor's appointment yesterday mom and I went to a little taco hut near the hospital that Guy Fieri featured on his show!  It was delicious.  The slogan for on their menu, bumper stickers, t-shirts and signage says "God is never in a hurry. Relax."  Though it may be a surfer dude approach to life, the little sentence spoke to my heart.  Mom and I enjoyed our famous tacos in the outdoor dining room and we took our time.  We relaxed.  It was just good. While, yes, "even in laughter the heart may ache," I am ever surprised at how good it is to do normal things with my mother and family.  Our hearts ache for her, but we feel like we are wide-eyed in wonder with so much joy around us.

`

Every text, note, e-mail, gift, meal, and prayer is God walking among us.  Mom received a gift from the Shorey ladies and when she opened it she said "Oh! I love getting gifts that I want but would never buy for myself!"  The beautiful painted teacup and yummy tea bags made her day.  My good friend has a friend who works for John Piper and sent mama a book to enjoy.  She was so blessed. "I don't even know him!" Katie treated the little sisters to a day at Disney before their season passes expired.  They excitedly brought home a new iPhone case for mom with Cinderella's castle in all it's glory on the back.  She still sleeps with the Mickey and Minnie her little Michael boy bought for her while she was in the hospital.  Thank you everyone.  The love for her and us is nearly too much.

"when the Spirit is poured upon us from on high,

the wilderness becomes a fruitful field,

and righteousness abides in the fruitful field.

The effect of righteousness will be peace, 

and the result of righteousness is quietness and trust forever."

isaiah 32:15-18

I think these verses are some of the most beautiful in all of Scripture.  It's easy to think about a field becoming fruitful by us planting good fruit (and of course God waters the seed!), and what you reap you sow, and sow in the good soil, and work diligently.  These things are all true for their context.

But it's quite humbling, happy and relieving to read how God poured out turns wastelands into fruitful gardens.  How it's Him.  His Spirit transforms dead hearts, redeems the desserts of life, tills the dry and weary lands.  When He comes everything is changed.  When He arrives their is life, joy, happiness, quietness, feasting and trust.  He turns clammy hospital rooms into bubbly family rooms.  He turns doctors offices into a girly-girl afternoon.  He brings families that were drifting apart and knits them together.  This is all so good. Thank you for praying!

Mama Bear Upate | 6

"the Gospel [is].... a Father, a home, a feast and a complete freedom from our sin or our superiority

for hope and happiness.  

These wonders are drawn so beautifully."

d. shorey

A few updates followed by a few thoughts today.


- I added mom's contact information on the side bar so anyone looking to get in touch with her has a will and a way ;)


- Yesterday it was confirmed that cancer is not just in her lungs, liver and spine but also lymph nodes, chest cavity and skin (the bumps she was having biopsied turned out to be cancer, too.)  The cancer just needs to go away.  And seeing it on her skin almost makes me angry and want to punch it.  But I'd never punch mama bear ;)

- She's still throwing up everyday.  Pray that she can keep food down!  Food will obviously help her be strong with nutrients, but it's also just a simple joy to eat good food.  We all want her be hydrated, healthy, and strong to walk through the next months of treatment!


- We found a wedding dress together :D I was expecting to go to store after store for possibly even weeks.  But the last dress at the second store was "the one."  Mom loved it, my sisters loved it, and one of "our" songs came on in the store while I had it on ;) And just to brag about my mom for a second: not only did she shop with me while she was tired and weak, she was still nauseous and had to run out to throw up many time throughout the day.  I don't know how she did it.  Or how she does it.  She's so strong.  She always said she was "fine" when we asked.  I know how much she wanted to be there with me to find a gown and I want her to know how much it meant to me that she was.  I adore my mom.

Yesterday mom went have an IV drip (which helps her have enough water after all the nauseous-ness.)  We had a wonderful afternoon talking and laughing. Mama Bear even whipped out some subtle dance moves ;) She made a comment during our conversation that I'll never forget.  "It's strange how I am actually happier and have more hope now that I'm sick."  In the middle of showing mom my color-schemes for a master-bedroom, exchanging awkward stories, and thanking the "good nurse" Ginger for being so careful, my mom had so much she found wonderful.  In the Martha Stewart magazine: "Oh, these blues are beautiful. God did an amazing thing when he made color."  Getting her IV in: "I'm so glad you're my nurse, you're the best.  You put IV's in so well."  Talking about living in Florida: "On the days I can do things, I can't wait to... We won't be living here very long!" (Today we are going to the beach, aquarium and dinner at her favorite Clearwater restaurant.") On her dinner: "There is just nothing like a good tortilla chip with good salsa."  About her life: "To live is Christ, to die is gain.  I really only have good ahead of me.  It just gets better and better." On being cared for when sick: "Look at ALL these beautiful flowers I get to look at all day long! Dad got me those."  On all her texts and e-mails "One of the best parts of being sick is having people tell you that they are praying every single day. Every day! It's amazing." We feel like we are feasting these days.




She's incredible and one of these people: "How beautiful are the feet of those who publish peace, who brings good news of happiness, who say to Zion, 'Your God reigns'."


And to end this post on the perfect (literal) note, Lauren just came walking into the room to get her swimsuit singing "Blessed be the name of the Lord! Blessed be your name! You give and take away! You give and take away! Blessed be the name of the Lord!"