"You saw me before I was born
and scheduled each day of my life
before I began to breathe."
Sadly, these words I'm figuring out how to write down this very second have 'arrived' -- too too soon in my opinion. Last night Mama Bear seemed to change in her demeanor, comfort and breathing ability. This afternoon another "level" was taken. She is peacefully sleeping right now, and we've had excellent hospice care so we know how to make sure she stays as cozy and comfy as she is this very moment. God is not a God of hospice guesses, but if hospice were to make a guess they've said "not days or weeks, but hours or days."
At this point we're asking that no visitors come by. If you're dropping off a meal, please come in through the garage, leave the meal, and promptly head out. If you feel strongly about wanting to visit, you can text me or my dad and we'll let you know if it's a good time. If we don't answer, it's not a good time ;) Feel free to e-mail or text anything you'd like us to read to her. We're singing, talking, and reading to her much of the day and night. We'd love to read her love from friends.
Our home is a sacred, weighty, alive place right now. It's holy ground, filled with the tears of grown men and little children. We're in the parking lot of heaven, preparing to drop off our dear mother. We're able to see some of it's light from here. We wish we could see it all. We wish she wasn't going without us. We wish that maybe this is a dream and we'll wake up to her making coffee in the kitchen. However, the rays from Home are warm sun to our hearts. We're not ready to lose her, but we're ready for her to dance on the clouds, run to her mother who she has deeply missed for over a decade now, and join her voice in the triumphant choir to the Father King. Thank you for every single word or thought of care for us. Every single "Dear Jesus." Every single offer to help. Every single communication. Every drop of love. We're swimming in a deep, beautiful sea. And our mama is sailing to the shore.
“... in this universe we are treated as strangers,
the longing to be acknowledged,
to be met with some response,
to bridge some chasm that yawns between us and reality...
and surely, from this point of view, the promise of glory,
becomes highly relevant to our deep desire.
For glory means good report with God,
acceptance by God, response, acknowledgment,
and welcome into the heart of things.
The door on which we have been knocking all our lives will open at last.”
cs lewis | the weight of glory
(Updates can be found at Mama Bear on facebook.)