Tuesday, August 3, 2010

post 5

When I was younger I had this idea in my head:  "Jesus sacrificed His life for me, so now I owe Him mine."  I felt obligated to sacrifice, almost, in a sense, to re-pay God.  I wondered how I could possibly know that Jesus - God - died in my place, and then in return continue to sin.  Continue to do what I wanted.  Continue to live selfishly. Make mistakes.  "This must stop!" I told myself.  How dare I?  After all He has done!  I realize, now, that I was wrong.  I don't owe God my life.  That is, at best, moralism.  I'm not supposed to execute this life "correctly" as part of a trade.  Or bargain.  Or law-keeping practice.  That's legalism.
"Jesus sacrificed His life for me, so now I owe Him mine." No no no, Kristen.
"Jesus sacrificed His life for me, so now I believe in Him because He covers mine."

Jesus found [the healed blind man] and He said,
“Do you believe in the Son of Man?”  
He answered, “And who is He, sir, that I may believe in Him?” 
Jesus said to him, “You have seen him, and it is he who is speaking to you.”  
He said, “Lord, I believe,” and he worshiped him.
{john 9}
Now I wonder, how could I possibly know Jesus - God - died in my place, and then in return think I could add to that?  That God would require more then that?  How dare I think I could change the Father's affection for His Son, and therefore His affection for me?  Who am I to think I could add to the irony and the tragedy and the beauty of calvary by my works and obedience? 

No, I don't owe God my life.  

My debt has been paid.  It is finished.  I believe it! I'm a new creation, clothed in robes of righteousness, washed by the blood of the Lamb!  I was blind, but now I see!  I was dead, but now I am alive!  And it had nothing to do with me.  Jesus, have Your way with me - I don't need to re-pay you with my life, you are my life!  I stand here in my sin, my mistakes, my hurt, my humanness and believe that Your holiness has satisfied the wrath of God.  I worship you out of a heart filled with gratitude, rejoicing, awe and wonder, not guilt, duty or requirement.  I believe in You, my Lord.  I believe!


  1. oh, Kristen, thank you for sharing! I love your new blog so very, very much. the design is awfully pretty too. :) hope you're doing well!

  2. Aw thanks Jessina! I am well - I hope you are toooo :D It's been almost a year since I met you! Can you believe it?

  3. I found this blog of yours through facebook (we do not know each other personally, but have mutual friends through our churches) and since I love your photography blog so much, I wanted to check this out as well.
    This post especially encouraged me so much, Kristen. Thank you for writing it and for being vulnerable and sharing what God has laid on your heart. I do not know why yet, but I think I needed to hear this.
    And now I want to read Hosea.
    Your sister in Christ,